doctoral stress, or, “goodbye to my wonderful friends and family”

So I’m starting my graduate program now, and my goal at this point is to not die of stress. The degree is at this point incidental. I read a couple of books on having a sane and smooth PhD program, and found the most disturbing, and patently impossible, statistic:

On a standard stress rating scale, where the death of a spouse is 100, the average first-year doctoral student rates their stress at 313. (Valdez, Ramiro. “First-Year Doctoral Students and Stress.” College Student Journal, 1982, 16: 30-37.)

At first I joked about this obviously ridiculous statistic. Then, because I am a geek, I looked up the study. Yeah, ok it’s pretty small-scale and it was from 30 years ago. Still…

I am already feeling worried.

  • I worry that I won’t be able to juggle work and school, much less my family.
  • I worry that I’ll be stupid compared to the other students (damned impostor syndrome).
  • I worry that I’ll be poor(er).
  • And fat(ter).
  • And my eyes will actually explode from all the reading (even though I read journal articles for fun.)
  • I worry that I’ll be a terrible PA.
  • Or that I’ll be one of the students spoken about in hushed tones by faculty as “not doing a good program,” whatever that means.
  • I worry that I won’t have suitably doctoral clothes and look too casual, to dressy, or (even worse) like the other students’ mom.
  • I worry that two months before I finish my dissertation someone else will publish the exact same thing, or that the topic (so obscure now) will become commonplace and mundane and I’ll look like a trailing-after-the-bandwagon loser.
  • I worry that I won’t actually understand advanced research methods and people will notice.
  • I worry that I won’t find cheap parking.
  • I worry that I will have opportunities that I can’t afford to take.
  • I worry that I will bring shame to my adviser, that my adviser won’t be helpful, that I won’t have an adviser, that my adviser won’t hold off the sharks in the rest of my committee, that my adviser will be the shark in my committee.
  • I worry that my laptop will die.
  • I worry that my capacity for “faking it til making it” will desert me.
  • I worry that my lack of worry about asking stupid questions in seminars will make the others feel I’m not taking things seriously, or that I am actually stupid, or that I should be returned to high school (because I never did graduate from high school. Oops.) and this reveals that the non-worry is actually worry AND me lying to myself.
  • I worry that I will be a lousy librarian and lousy student because I can’t give 100% of my energy to either task.
  • I worry that my husband will forget what I look like and my children will speak of me as if I am dead.

I’m not saying all this so anyone reassures me (please don’t). And I certainly don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me (like you would–I chose this idiotic path after all). I just want anyone who ever joins such a program and somehow stumbles upon this blog to know–YOU are not alone. Because evidently everyone feels most of this most of the time (N=the 3 people I’ve talked to). These worries are all ego garbage, but I think you must be egomaniacal to want to get a PhD in Information. Or any PhD. So I have revealed my shallow non-depths. I’m sure you’re not surprised.

(BTW, if you feel pity or something and you’re aching to help me out, here are a few gift ideas. I especially love the coffee bucks and journal subscription ideas. I would like Libraries Quarterly, please. AND.)

On the plus side, I found that my first research article has been accepted. It’s actually a two-part article and the first part was accepted as written (which is bizarre, I can’t imagine there was nothing improvable in it) and the second part with revisions, which I turned around in under 24 hours (even though it involved 5 hours of painstaking table creation). Yet seeing the email from the editor in my inbox caused stress. That sort of “oh dear deity-of-your-choice I am terrified to open this email, I shall proceed to do other things for five minutes until I can’t stand it anymore” stress. And my stomach had actual butterflies (anise swallowtails, I believe). Even good things now cause unforeseen quantities of stress.

So, to sum up, right now I am worried about my “first day” which is technically on Wed., but I have meetings and orientations on Monday (i.e. tomorrow) and Tuesday but I still feel like this:

By this time next year I expect to look like this:

(cartoons thanks to a funny blog at http://public.randomnotes.org/richard/PhDtalk.html)

Most of all of this talk of worry is to make apparent to the people who tolerate me, that I’m sorry in advance. I love you, I am stressed about missing you already, I am concerned I will be a terrible mother/relative/friend. I feel I can do nothing about this. And I hope you understand.

See you in a few years.

medialab update

Six people came to my “convert VHS to DVD” class yesterday, four of whom I’d never seen before. A few teens are using the medialab stuff. Slowly, slowly people become aware of the stuff being offered in the library. It’s not quite “build it and they will come” unfortunately. Somehow I need to make people aware that this stuff is here, and that it’s fun/useful to use it.

I’m working on a grant right now to get more makerspacey stuff: 3d printer, sewing machine, screen printing machine and painting supplies. I hope I can get this moving.

As for the older teens in my town: WTF? Are you telling me there’s SO MUCH to do in this tiny town, that you never even consider using the library? Hellooooooo, anyone out there? Why can I not get anyone over the age of 15 in the library? Do you flee the town as soon as you get your licenses?

(Can’t say I blame you, I was a teen in a small rural town–but mine didn’t have an awesome library filled with cool tech toys and rad programs.)

Didn’t-Even-Graduate-High-School-I-Was-So-Desperate-To-Leave, Illinois

Makerspace, the BD edition

I’m about to go to Rhode Island to talk about content creation in libraries at a conference, so I’ve been whipping up a powerpoint. A couple of days ago I simply googled “makerspace” so I could loot images from unsuspecting websites* and right there, halfway through the second page of hits was this:

This is exactly why I’ve been harping on this subject to anyone I could corner for years now: If libraries don’t get off their collective asses, some enterprising person will create a for-profit version of what we SHOULD be.

This makerspace will be cool for those with the money to join, but probably once again widen the have/have-not divide in tech & information. I mean, it will be wonderful for middle-class white geeks like my family, who can throw down some cash for a few hours at the Arduino workbench (yeah, I don’t actually know what that is, either.)

See, I’m thrilled about this potential makerspace right in my hometown of 16,000. But HOW STUPID are we (librarians) not to already be all over this bandwagon? So I guess I’m more thrillgusted than entirely thrilled, or entirely disgusted with my own colleagues (who seem to worry more about how many “shades of grey” they should or should not buy).

We (the city) have a perfectly good library building ideally situated for makerspace activities in downtown BD, with a fairly empty basement (I think) but I can’t see this library forming a makerspace partnership anytime soon. They’re pretty anti-crazyfunstuff at the BD library.

So. Free shared resource potential, probably down the tubes. I hope I’m wrong! I hope I’m all cranky for no good reason, and a brilliant and amazing makerspace partnership happens with the BD library.  Note to all my librarian friends: If a (I’m sorry, I even live here) fairly lame-o, conservative, small town like BD is looking at building a makerspace, than this production revolution is REAL, not a fad or another chance for librarians to do our ostrich thing, then pout when we’re left out of the loop, a la ebooks.

By the way,  I just ordered a Canopus VHS converter and a Canon slide/photo scanner, so my library’s digital media lab will hopefully be luring the older members of my library community to the Lomira >EnterCorporateSponsorNameHere< Community Library. Hopefully. And at least I’m trying to LOCATE the bandwagon, right?

And by the “by the way” (or post-post-script) was finding the BeaverDamMakerspace website this evidence of creepy Google knowing from whence I was searching? I don’t think so–I have all sorts of ‘track-me-not’ stuff running on my browser, and there were results from all over the country before this one. I just honestly think Beaver Dam, WI is THAT happening and cool (or, OK, some of the inhabitants are, like Mr. Jason Gullikson, who is the ringleader on this excellent project).

*I do add photo credits and aim for cc licensed works, but this ppt is for educational use and I am totally claiming fair use.

medialab

My new library is fabulous. Not only is it a gorgeous, people-centered space (as opposed to the book/stuff-centered look of most libraries), but the people who work there and on the board are fabulous. We’re starting work on our medialab, much like the fabulous Skokie Library’s.

So far we have a bamboo tablet, a dozen flip video cameras, a blue yeti microphone and some super cool software, like Autosketch Pro, on our medialab laptop. A couple of tripods. A camera. My goal is to eventually have a medialab space set up–possibly the larger of our two study rooms, and bring on the 3d printers etc. that would take it from a medialab to a makerspace.

Problem is, I can’t seem to sell this to some of my stakeholders. The Friends don’t get the point of this at all. Some patrons think it’s cool, but still don’t see why a library should offer this stuff. The local businesspeople I am trying to sell this stuff to–as a way to create a logo, record a video or podcast, design a webpage, and so on–seem perfectly fine with their non-digital status quo. Luckily the teens are all over this stuff.

Still, I am struggling. I can’t get all the stuff I need to make a full-fledged medialab without some money, and I can’t get the money without the buy-in of the Friends at least, and I can’t get the buy-in without having all the stuff to get people excited and making stuff. Holy Vicious Cycle, Batman. Once one adult business owner makes something cool with our equipment I’m sure the word will get out about its utility. But it’s hard to wait.

As soon as I get one or two more things I’ll host an open house and see if that gets people motivated. For now–anyone want to come play on some cool medialab equipment?

Guatemalan libraries (and schools)

Since this blog is ostensibly about libraries and not my travels, I thought I’d bring this series of posts on home with some commentary on Guatemalan libraries.

First of all, there are none. At least, not the way we think about public libraries in the States. In Xela, a city of 225,000 people, there is one public library, the Biblioteca Alberto Velásquez. And you cannot check out books or other materials here. The stacks are closed. The librarians, while friendly, sit behind a barred window. Essentially, this library is an archive, with a study area. One thing is familiar, at least to those with the old-school perception of libraries: the sign requesting silence.

While there are libraries in the universities, you can rarely check out those materials either. My teacher, who is a university student, explained that most of the items there were old and not terribly useful. It’s a tragedy, beautifully explained by Margaret Mering‘s in-depth examination of Quetzaltenango libraries.

There are many educational opportunities for middle-class and wealthy people in Guatemala, but education is often expensive and with many associated costs. The family I stayed with had several colegia students boarding with them–kids 14-18 years old, living in a room in the city, away from their parents, just so they can go do a decent high school. The public schools are notoriously overcrowded and underfunded (hmm…sounds familiar) and impact family finances by taking kids away from jobs. Child labor is a Guatemalan reality.

A University I walked past many days, the Rafael Landivar University. Xela has several universities and tech schools, but very few libraries.

There is a fantastic-sounding tech school in Xela, the INTECAP training school, which offers fairly low-cost training in everything from cooking to auto repair. It would be a great opportunity for poor students, but there are those associated costs again–not working, needing a place to live, travel, etc. And books in Guatemala cost a LOT.

So public libraries, with books that circulate, could be a major benefit in the educational lives of poorer Guatemalans, not to mention the social, cultural and other benefits that libraries offer. (However, as thirdspace, even the most lovely library would face stiff competition in Xela. After all, if you could hang out in the many parques, why bother being inside?)

Poverty is such a pervasive reality that I cannot imagine how a library would be able to serve the poorest populations without quickly becoming very run-down landing spots for the homeless. It’s a strong possibility that any library would lose books to those who are not used to the “borrowing” model of libraries. The high cost of books in Spanish would seriously hinder collection development.

Nevertheless, I would love to start an American-style public library in Xela. Anyone have a million dollars lying around? After all, I could build and staff the library pretty cheaply!

Librarians Without Borders and other library activism is evident in Guatemala. The next language school I am going to will probably be Probigua, which operates a bibliobus in rural areas near Antigua.

http://ahopefulsign.com/making-to-difference/why-were-lwb-librarians-without-borders-in-guatemala

http://marymountevents.blogspot.com/2011/05/stories-from-guatemalaliteracy.html

http://www.lindaleith.com/posts/view/132

http://www.beyondaccess.net/2012/03/06/lessons-on-library-sustainability-riecken-salon-update-from-washington-dc/

Probigua Language School

Image from Linda Leith’s website

gaming in a tiny library

I was just asked a question about gaming in a small library, how to promote it and how to convince one’s fellow librarians that it’s OK. Here’s my answer:

We host many gaming activities at our library (service pop. of 5400) with mixed success. The three National Game Days we’ve participated in have brought in decent quantities of people. Our Rockband tournaments have done OK. When we incorporate gaming into other programs, such as teen sleepovers, they are very popular, especially the Kinect dancing games.

We also offer anytime Wii play in our TeenSpace. We usually have 3-6 kids there everyday, playing. And we allow gaming on our computers, and after school will often have 4 kids playing Roblox or whatever together.

As for non-videogaming, LARPs have been popular for us. We held a live-action zombies vs. zombie-killers game that incorporated a scavenger hunt all over town for teens to find the stuff they would need to survive a zombie apocalypse (stuff we hid, such as bandaids, nerf guns, gummy brains, etc.) and then the two teams had a war. This was VERY popular. We hosted D&D for over five years, and only stopped this fall when the DM and two other players graduated high school and went to college (Anyone want to DM in Horicon?) We also host a Pokemon Club that is so popular we are increasing them to twice-monthly meetings in January.

We offer a wide variety of board games for patrons to use in-house and a free puzzle exchange. The board games aren’t played much, but the puzzles are very popular. We sometimes have board gaming programs using Carcassone or other cool games, but it’s been a while since we did that. It was well-attended when we did. I hope to incorporate weekly LAN/console gaming parties into our program lineup next year, and bring back more board game events.

As for promotion, as always, word of mouth works best. We generally send PR to 2 local papers, 2 local radio stations and our local access TV channel. The best results I’ve gotten have been because of the local schools morning announcements. Flyers all over town seem to make no difference at all. We do sometimes do mass emails from people who are willing to be included on an email list. That works pretty well.

In a town as small as ours, 15 people is a great-sized gaming crowd. So I don’t know if you can expect masses of people. But the people who come will be very happy and impressed with your library!

As for your disgruntled staff, tell them that information literacy is better supported by games than just about anything else in the world, including real life, for these and many other reasons:

  • Our brains dig the reward system of learning new things and experiencing new world and show it with bursts of happy-making dopamine when we level up or accomplish tasks, or win
  • we are actively creating our own learning through games, which makes it stick
  • there are no real negative consequences for risks, which encourages innovative thinking
  • there are big learning rewards for small efforts, unlike in life, when you have to work very hard to see results, and which allow us to learn things quickly
  • we get to try on other identities and discover what it feels like to be tough or sneaky or witty or the things we perceive as outside ourselves, and we learn empathy through living alternate lives, just as we do with fiction
  • we become aware our own skills and limitations, test them, build them, are appreciated for them
  • we learn multimodally, which suits people with different learning styles
  • we become fluent in different semiotic domains, or symbolic worlds in which the culture of practice may be very different from our regular lives, when we game as a soldier, as a detective, as an elf mage, or as someone who is a superhero. This fluency translates to quicker learning of “realworld” semiotic domains, as when we switch jobs.
  • If reading is the most important thing to your fellow librarians (which I hope it is not the case) then show them the incredible variety of reading needed to play most games, from the very complicated manuals, wikis and discussion boards to the various levels of formality with which ideas are textually represented in-game, depending on who is speaking.

There are a lot more reasons to game. Check out James Gee. If not his book, then watch a few YouTube videos of his talks. He will inspire you.

Thanks to Terrance Newell’s Videogaming & Information Literacy course at UW Milwaukee  SOIS, my last class in my master’s degree career (over in two days!) for the great ideas that I barely touched on in this post.

CPLR

A colleague of mine, Sarah Jones Cournoyer, and I have had a dream for the last few years: to head a center that facilitates research by and  for public librarians. We thought we’d have to wait until we got our respective PhDs and somebody funded this. But why wait? Someone’s going to steal this idea if we don’t get busy, right?

So welcome to The Center for Public Library Research (CPLR). Hope you find it useful and will chime in as you think of research ideas, opportunities, or research you’ve found useful for public librarians.

librarian infographic

Another great infographic from Infographics. I have a couple of quibbles (because I always have a couple of quibbles). First of all, I have to say very little of many librarians’ work is spent on books anymore. I certainly order books and manage my book collections, weeding, etc. But I spend far more time on programming, marketing, and meeting the informational needs of my community than I do on books. The book processing is generally done by non-”librarian” staff, if that distinction even matters.

Secondly the question “what would we do without librarians?” needs an answer, not just a description of the line of reference questioners. Seriously, what WOULD we do? In my community, a whole lot of people would have no access to any sort of information, internet, programs, books, movies, etc. And those with economic resources would be poorer as well, not only from having to purchase things they had shared before, but because of the lack of education, job resources, economic support, community building, etc. that librarians provide.

Oh yeah–$56,547?! This nearly broke my heart. Knowing the average wage in WI was $34,000 was hard enough to bear. Knowing that IF I were full time, I would make over $30,000 below average is killing me.

 

++ Click to Enlarge Image ++
A Librarian's Worth Around the World  | Infographic |
ImageSource: MastersinEducation.org

ebooks, free & local

I mentioned recently that one of my goals this year was to participate in Nanowrimo, both personally and at the library. While the “book” I wrote ended up being a 135-page thesis (yeah, ok, that includes a boatload of appendices) and my writer’s group is not yet ready for prime time, I’m really excited about the idea of library-written books. Here’s the thing–I can’t find any instances of library-published Nanowrimo ebooks. It seems like a no-brainer to me to host the ebook files (converted to .azw, .pdf, etc.) on the library website, and make them accessible through the catalog.

Rich Adin discusses the drawbacks and benefits of reading such free literature. Obviously, some free ebooks are not going to be of stellar quantity. But the thrill of discovery has got to be huge when you connect with a book, especially one that is free and probably under-appreciated. I was always that girl who didn’t want anyone else grooving to my obviously superior taste in music (I got over it) and I still feel possessive of “my” little-known writers. (so Patrick Rothfuss isn’t really unknown–he’s local though. Unfortunately I forgot to give my kindle to my daughter, who was to get his ebooks electronically “signed” via annotation this weekend at DaishoCon in Wisconsin Dells–hey Patrick, are you listening? Want to send me an electronic “signature?” Just write “to S-h-a-n-n-o-n, my favorite fan…”)

But consider this idea further. How would it feel to know you were not only discovering a new talent when you read an ebook from your library, but that it was written by a neighbor. In only 30 days. Talk about inspiration.

For those of you who think only garbage is written during Nanowrimo, I just want to say two things: First of all, how amazing is it that regular people are getting off their asses and writing, no matter the quality or even if they ever do it again, or share it?! And two, Sara Gruen’s Like Water for Elephants was written for Nanowrimo. Take that, haters.

Here are some other Nanowrimo babies that have been published traditionally.